Hillbilly Moment of the Day

My phone rings about four-thirty this afternoon; it is, as usual, my Mom. 

Mom says, “I gotta tell you a funny story.”  Like a lot of southern women, when my Mom calls and says that, it means I better kick back and settle in for a long conversation.   It sometimes means juicy gossip, it sometimes means literally a funny story, but it’s always good. 

“I drove up to the house after running my errands,” she says, “and I see this squirrel with one of my dog’s toys. It was the weirdest thing. I sat there and watched it rub this stuffed toy all over its body.  I wished I’d had my video camera. This squirrel was, like, totally getting off on this little stuffed toy.” 

I am amused by this point and I figure what is coming. Her dog, Tumble (a Parson Russell Terrier), is a known killer of rodents and small animals, he’s faster than some motored vehicles, and he’s got more determination in his toenail than I have in my entire body.  He can smell mice through walls and jump four feet straight up. He’s a dog with super powers.

But not this time. This time his supernatural speed fails him. “Well I finally let Tumble out of the car,”  Mom said. “And he took off after that squirrel. I’ll be damned if that squirrel didn’t pick up that stuffed animal and go right up the tree with it. We ain’t seen hide nor hair of it since.”   

Damn squirrels.  “So what’d you do?” I ask her. 

“Well I couldn’t see a nest or anything, so I finally just gave up. But Tumble is completely pissed,” she says.  “Well, I gotta go. I just wanted to share.”  

And that is the end of mother-daughter talk today.  Yes, ya’ll, it’s really like that down here. 



2 Responses so far »

  1. 1

    J said,

    Oooo-whooo! You gotta’ love those calls from mom. Last year my mom and stepdad built a long cabin out in the boondocks up north of Dover. This past fall I would get calls from her on a regular basis that would start out, “I’m looking out the window. Guess how many turkeys I see?” 🙂 There’s a plus side to her little wilderness, too, though. When I visited her last summer, I almost tore myself up leaping out of the truck into a wild blackberry patch we came across. That evening, cobbler was enjoyed by all.

  2. 2

    Tipper said,

    Very funny! Love your new layout.

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